The Untelligence Test
Taken 12.23.2005
The results are in! You are...
You kick ass! Your score is higher than the current worldwide average of 64%!
Your score is unique, however, so keep reading.
Here is the custom report of your personality than led our team of geeks
to conclude (with confidence) that you are a resourceful and sly man:
" The subject shows an astounding level of intelligence, and his sense of observation
is one of his best qualities. Considering this, he shows a lot of potential,
but that's only part of the equation.
Also, as much as we hate violence, an occasional mauling is one way to
solve day-to-day problems like unpleasant coworkers or pesky door-to-door
salesmen. He just isn't tough enough, sir, and avoids any situation that
involves violence.
Finally, the subject displayed a pathetic and useless (seriously bad) sense
of humor, a decent and respectable sense of morality, and a hot-shot
level of self-confidence. The balance of these three traits is
important; high levels of confidence, medium levels of morality, and a good
level of humor make for the strongest individuals. "
The Jerk Test
Taken on 02/24/05
The results are in... you are certifiably:
That's higher than the worldwide
average of 33%!
Compared to others...
46% less jerky than you — 4% as jerky as you
— 50% jerkier than you
The American Test
Taken on 2/10/05
You are 72% American!
You have 144 proof blood
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You're a genuine American, citizen or not. Americanosity runs in
your blood. You're an asset to the U.S.A as much as anyone can be expected and
while you may not go out of your way to push the nation forward, you do what
you can to make it all run smoothly. You root for America in the Olympics, try
to stay on the right side of the law, and can name at least eight past US
presidents. Keep America proud, tough guy.
Other genuine Americans include: Betsy Ross, Johnny Appleseed, Irving Berlin,
Eleanor Roosevelt, Humphrey Bogart, and Oprah Winfrey.
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Compared to 181,141 other test-takers:
-
96% Scored lower than you
-
1% Scored the same as you
-
3% Scored higher than you
What pisses you off?
Taken on 8/20/03
*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration
then.
Dante's Inferno Test
Taken on 4/30/03
Which level of hell are you going to?
The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale wraps around his body 4
times.
The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been
banished to...
the Fourth Level of Hell!
Just before the river Styx is the Fourth Level of Hell. Here, the prodigal and
the avaricious suffer their punishment, as they roll weights back and forth
against one another. I will share eternal damnation with others who either
wasted and lived greedily and insatiably, or who stockpiled their fortunes,
hoarding everything and sharing nothing. Plutus, the wolf-like demon of wealth,
dwells here.
Here is how I matched up against all the levels:
The Love Test
Taken on 2/24/03
Greetings, confusoid. You scored a...
60%
Is it a bird? A plane? Is it a boy? A girl? Is it love, or is it lust? Ah, you.
You are that rare mix of sensitive and sensual, romantic and randy, pride and
prejudice, etc. When you see your crush, you waffle like a Belgian, unsure of
whether you'd rather paint their toes or suck on their toes. Poets have long
been puzzled by your kind. You'll never fall for robots or nymphos, but you
will suffer longs bouts of marriage.
Miscellaneous Non-Spark Tests...
The Pickup Test
Taken on 12/11/02
You have achieved the Golden Mean!
You are 38% pickup-able!
You're like Jen. Do you know my friend Jen? You're just like her—she's like
this cool girl who's attractive and funny. I should call Jen. Or maybe you're
like my friend Steve. Regardless, you like to flirt, but not with ugly people.
And when you lock eyes with the right person, you know how to turn the sparks
into a towering inferno. But sometimes you won't give people the time of day,
which is mean when they really just need to know what time it is. In general,
make sure you smell good.
The Greed Test
Taken on 9/6/02
Greedy Animal! You are...
48% greedy!
In addition, we have determined that for a small bribe of 187
bucks, you'd spread a jar mayonnaise in your underwear and
wear it for a month straight.
Good luck with your future life.
Of the 1,652,577 test takers so far:
8% are as greedy as you.
38% are less greedy than you.
54% are greedier than you.
The Stress Test, my assumption confirmed!
Taken on 2/10/05
You might want to sit down...
You exhibit a Stress Factor of
((( 16% )))
—which barely registers. Get a job, hippie!
Taken on 9/6/02
You exhibit a
stress percentage of
12%
which barely registers.
Get a job.
Your
Stress Test answers indicate that to reduce your stress level even
further you should
eliminate at least one of
the following from your life
immediately:
The Death Test
Taken on 2/10/05
Mark your calendar or Palm V. You can expect to die on:
At the tender age of
61 years old.
On that date, you will most likely die from:
Taken on 9/6/02
The Personality Test
Taken on 9/5/02
Like just 7% of the population you are an ACCOUNTANT (SICT - Submissive
Introvert Concrete Thinker)--reserved, meticulous, and dependable. While being
called an accountant isn't really that cool, neither are you. You aren't
exactly the life of the party, but you do have fun, and the people close to you
really do love you.
There are basically two kinds of accountants, and you most likely fit into one
of the two categories:
Seriously: accountants are good at whatever they do. They can always be
trusted, especially by their friends. They almost never cheat or steal. (Some
real-life accountants do, however, they are probably Judges (DICT)). You
probably have a wonderful relationship with your family.
The Lazy Test
Taken on 2/10/05
Congratulations! You finished the test!
You can't be that lazy, can you? Taking that into account, you are
officially...
30% Lazy!
That's
lower than the worldwide
average of 38%!
16% less lazy than you — 4% as lazy as you —
80% blah blah blah...
Taken on 9/3/02
36% lazy (I'd swear I'm worse than that!)
Purity
Taken on 9/3/02
You are 61% Pure!